It’s The End Of The World As We Know It
It’s taken me years to muster the courage to write something like this. Am I going to upset people? Am I putting myself in harm's way? Can people handle it? Is it too much? Am I too much? This touches my deepest wounds.
But if I’m not willing to say this, who will? What’s the cost of not speaking up? To me? To others? Of the harm we’re currently experiencing, inflicting?
This article started as a personal journal entry for me to try to process what I was feeling, understand my responsibility. and learn how I need to shift. After sending it to my mentor, she replied: “Share this...really, people need to hear it. It's all true."
So, here we are.
This demographic, we professionals, is a powerful one. We build and work at the companies that employ and change the world. However we tip, the world tips. Let's tip towards good.
So I've come to realize I can't not share this. It’d be a hero move not to. Not naming it is how “it” keeps its grip. So now I release it. I set it free. I just hope it's not too late. I hope it's helpful for you. I hope it's helpful for me. I hope it's helpful for the world. God help us all.
Some background on me...
I'm a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and primarily practice a style of meditation called vipassana — that translates as “seeing things as they really are.” I've sat for thousands of hours, including 4 months on silent retreat, with celebrated masters from around the world.
Apparently part of my genetic role as an HSP is to help alert the species of danger that I biologically feel before others are able to sense it. It’s a "trait” common to over 100 species of animals. I'm the proverbial canary in the coal mine. And I need you to help me meet my basic needs and stay alive and regulate when it’s all too much.
There’s a slippery slope here into a gross heroed entitlement — believe me, I’ve been there. And I’ve spent a great deal of time sitting with this one, refining it, speaking with clients, peers, and mentors. I feel solid and clean in naming here what I’ve been seeing slowly compound over the years.
This is a heavy read. And it’s a heavy time. I sent the first draft to a client who told me it was helpful in putting things in perspective for him, allowing him to let go of many things that don't matter, that he felt lighter after reading. A clinical psychologist just wrote me; "This one is one of the most disturbing yet most understandable passages I have read in recent times. I feel every bit of it." If this is too much for you right now, I recommend putting it down. Pausing. And coming back sometime you’re feeling more spacious. Do come back, though. “Don't go back to sleep.”
Okay, here we go…
In January of 2020, I called my parents and told them about a new coronavirus spreading in Wuhan, a city I had visited some time before. I told them hundreds of thousands, probably a million people around the world would die. I told them to buy hand sanitizer and masks, zinc, vitamin D, Tylenol, and to eat healthy, exercise, sleep well, and lay low. They were in shock, and they trusted me.
I’d just sold my company, I put my belongings in storage, I got in my truck with Barkley, and we drove west to the mountains where we lived in the woods for a year.
As a society, we did a pretty poor collective job handling that one.
And that was the warm-up.
This is the real deal.
It’s a waste of energy to debate: “was it a Nazi salute or not”? “Is it genocide or not?” “Did he incite the mob or not?” "Are they terrorists or government?” “Is this a freak nature event or a part of global warming”? It’s all misdirection. Like how BP spent $100MM on an ad campaign creating the notion of a carbon footprint to deflect blame onto individuals and manipulate us into believing recycling is what matters.
It really doesn’t matter. It’s all evil. The broligarchs have won. We had our chance. As a dear friend of mine said, “this a good ‘ole fashioned fascist coup.” We’re watching it unfold before our eyes, stunned like when we were watching Gaza, as we’ve traded our sea levels for gas guzzling vehicles (like the one I drive).
anntelnaes.substack.com/p/why-im-quitting-the-washington-post
Thanissara names it clearly — the new overlords seek immortatlity through control. Implanting chips in their brains. Trying to buy and distort conditions for life on Mars, for the elite. By redirecting resources away from the very thing they seek. Life. That’s right in front of their eyes. But which they’re too ignorant, too consumed by greed to see. So, they suffer. And we suffer.
What qualifies me to make this assertion? I used to drink the Kool-Aid. And not just drink it, I was the damn Kool-Aid Man. I was worshipped for it. I won every award for it. Literally.
And I’ve spent the last decade spitting it out and rinsing my mouth out with soap.
There’s only one thing that’s immortal. Unborn and undying. Some call it God. Some call it consciousness. Some call it love. Some call her Mother Nature. The unconditioned. It’s not as immediately gratifying. And it doesn’t come with that nasty headache after.
I am the problem. I am not the problem. I am Gaza. I am Israel. The system is the problem. And the system needs to die.
MAGA is the problem. And it’s not the problem. It’s definitely the product. Over half our country voted for this disgusting excuse for democracy.
I feel sick.
It’s time we all pull our heads out of the sand and “just look up.”
This is that part of the apocalypse movie when all the animals are losing it before the catastrophe. We’re all freaking out in our own special ways. Stress, manipulation, anger, buying up all the toilet paper, scrambling to make a buck…grasping for “me”, “mine”, “my precious”.
Artists, musicians, filmmakers have been portraying this scene for as long as I can tell. The indigenous and spiritual sages have been warning about it for hundreds of years, millenia.
You might not see the panic in yourself yet, but you can probably see it in people around you and at the very least on the news — look at how the level of average decency has plummeted over the last 5-10 years, how much more everyone is focused on themselves.
From my seat as a coach, the average level of anxiety has skyrocketed.
“Hurt people hurt people.”
Once you see this in others, maybe you can look back and see it in yourself.
I actually measure this by asking clients to self-report happiness on a scale of 1-10 at the beginning of each session — in less than 2 years, there has been a 12.3% drop in happiness for new clients. That’s a LOT. And in In a short amount of time. People who tell me I’ve helped them change their life for the better do so after observing a similar magnitude increase in happiness. I think it’s fair to say this happiness drop in our country is conversely life-changing, for the worse 😔.
This lines up with larger research — a 2024 Gallup poll reported that 49% of Americans frequently experience stress, marking a 16-point rise over two decades and the highest level recorded to date.
I first started feeling this trend in 2018, midway through the practice round while living in Austin. At first, I thought it was an Austin or Texas thing and started spending more time in Southern California. Seeing it there, too, I hadn’t yet realized this was a national, international shift. Then, in early 2023, I felt we’d passed the climate change tipping point. And as 2024 went along with Biden taking a nap, feeling the inevitable, here we are.
And we should feel scared. This is what the fear response is in us for. To sense threats. And survive. The same goes for anger. The problem is trying to avoid it; pretend everything’s okay; numb and trascend through yoga and breathwork; reacting in trying to take resources from, control, criticize, condemn fellow humans…instead of seeing it clearly; taking responsibility; pausing; resourcing; and then responding in a healthy way, individually, collectively.
Wondering about responsibility? Who signs the checks you deposit? What do they stand for? Who and what does their organization support? What have you been unwilling — too scared — to feel, say, or do in service of money? At whose expense do the comforts in your life come? In today’s capitalist society, it is literally impossible to participate without causing harm.
Even when we’re trying to do the opposite. Here’s a quote that may stir up some feelings: "If the genuine but ill-conceived goal [of cancel culture] was to create a kinder, friendlier, more inclusive and equitable world for all ... the real-world effect has been an abysmal rightward overcorrection in which norms of decency have been gleefully obliterated." — Thomas Charlston Williams, The Atlantic
Each of us as individuals taking responsibility is the antidote to all this drama consuming us right now.
And then resourcing is the key step most of us are skipping. Not having taken responsibility, most of us run around most of the time triggered, blaming others, unconsciously and futilely trying to alleviate an uncomfortable feeling inside. Or dissociated. This is not the way.
The thing with a trigger, as Dr. Gabor Maté puts it, is that on its own, it does nothing. Ammunition and a gun are required to shoot a bullet. That ammunition lies inside of us, and the gun, well, that's us. The instinct is to blame the other, where, in reality, they're just that tiny little trigger. That explosive charge inside, and our weapons of speech and even physical violence are the primary variables. Again, responsibility.
Things that help me when I’m feeling triggered — lying on my back on the couch with a hot pack, burning sage, curling up with Barkley, placing my hands on my belly and chest, closing my eyes and noticing my breath, meditating, taking a walk in nature, doing something kind for myself. It’s not rocket science. It does take some effort to actually do. To be stronger than that anxious impulse to fidget. Or numb. Or that twisted desire to hurt another human being.
These are all wonderful invitations into responsibility.
And dwelling in comfort, desperately trying to keep it, is also not the way. We regulate to find solid ground so that we can return and engage and take skillful action to clean up our messes.
It is from a regulated place myself I now say: it’s high time we call time of death on this “great” American “dream” experiment, on this global crusade of democracy, capitalism, Christianity. It’s failed. It didn’t work. It’s a lie. Touting the superiority of this dumpster fire fueled by the remains of slavery, colonialism, exploitation.
The Americans are coming. And it’s not in the good kind of way.
In John Dalberg-Acton’s words, “power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
Can you see how the macro is the micro, the micro is the macro — America was founded by a people seeking freedom from oppression. Legitimate oppression. This people needed to resource. And did. But did so by slaughtering another people. And now. Now we’re desperately trying to dwell in this false comfort by continuing to oppress each other and the rest of the world. It’s sickening.
This is a well-understood psychological phenomenon in the field of relational trauma…
“Family dysfunction travels like wildfire from generation to generation until one brave soul turns around to face the flames. That person brings peace to generations who came before them and spares the generations to come.” — Terry Real
Well I’ve done this on the micro. And here I stand in the macro. Watch me burn. Who will stand with me?
The Native Americans call it wetiko — when white people showed up on this land, the indigenous couldn't figure out what the hell was going on, these new people were so strange. Then, there was the realization, “oh, they just have the worst case of wetiko we've ever seen.” Wetiko is a vile, deadly, highly contagious mind virus. It’s the ego gone amok, without the harsh whips and chains of Stoicicsm which was the only thing that could somewhat control this violent and grotesque plague in the West. Or asceticism in the East. It’s greed. It’s hatred. It’s delusion. It’s now endemic.
I see you. You wretched demon, clawed into all uf us all at once, feeding off our innards.
I think this is what they call nibbida. The pretty translation is disenchantment, disillusionment. With worldly things, experiences. The more real translation for me right now is disgust.
What about you? Feeling apathetic? Lethargic? Like nothing matters? That’s shock. Look closer. Check under the bed. Pull back the curtain. Until you feel angry, furious. Then, go back to the taking responsibility and resourcing bits. Rinse and repeat. Until eventually, you start feeling sick. And are ready to puke it all up. Then, stay here. Hugging the toilet. Letting that wretched demon slither back into the depths of Hell from which it emerged. It's only from this place that we can progress. And to get here, we have to let ourselves see and feel it all, move back through this sludge we’ve slurped down from our super-sized vats of poison.
Someone pour me a tall glass of lukewarm Ayahuasca.
After the affair, or really any major shift, in a relationship, the old relationship is over. There's no saving it. If the individuals won't let go of their dead fetus, it'll rot inside them both as it slowly destroys them. The only skillful action is to let it all go. And in that moment, there's no knowing what comes next. It's scary. And. It's the only way to make space for something new. For a new connection. Maybe romantic. Maybe not. Maybe close. Maybe not. But kind and real nonetheless.
Let's wake up. Let's take responsibility. Let's let this old myth die. Let's make some space. Let's be kind. Let’s be real. Let's clean up our mess.
In case you’re still wondering why now…during my expected lifetime (I’m now 40), I’m pretty certain I’ll see a mass human extinction event where millions die from climate change, natural disaster, hunger, disease, war, AI, etc. I’ve known this for years, and I finally found the courage to ask ChatGPT about it a few months ago…
Read: there’s a 50% chance of a mass human extinction event in the next 25 years. 85% in the next 50 years.
Let that sink in.
Look at a child, maybe yours. This will happen in their lifetime.
The question is no longer ‘if’ — it’s ‘when’.
The choices we have are: how bad will it be?
Yes, we’ve seen dark times throughout human history; maybe you have a family member who lived through World War II, who survived the Holocaust. While those of us alive today “survived” all the battles (many did not), we did not come out unscathed. And the war most certainly is not over. Instead, the most horrific events of our history are part of a gradual curve leading us to today, a curve that's more recently been exponentially leading towards complete disaster. There’s a karmic reckoning on the horizon, the very near horizon.
Never before has our species faced collective threats of extinction like we do from climate change. Never before have we had the power we do with AI, being trained by a child of apartheid South Africa with way too much more IQ than EQ, playing with toys that he doesn't realize are real, celebrated by all his fan boys who similarly don't know better and which has made him the richest man in the world, while he casually cuts funding to feed the poorest children in the world.
You might notice I didn’t mention as much concern about destroying this earth. While yes, we are doing that, Mother Nature will put her foot down soon. She won’t let us destroy her. She’ll destroy us first.
My great grandfather was the Chief Naval Architect at Newport News from 1940 - 1959. He started building ships there in 1925 and was responsible for the design of nearly every new vessel in the US Navy in the Atlantic built during this time. Impressive. And. Lots of karma there for me to burn.
As a twelve year-old, he built a telegraph machine more powerful than the US Navy’s, started flying hot air balloons, and went on to become one of the Early Birds — the first 100 people to fly an airplane in the world. He grew up on the water, sailing, and in his journal, he talks about the similarities between air and fluid dynamics, bringing him to shipbuilding. As he was making that transition, he was offered a trip on the maiden voyage of the Titanic. His telegram reply was simple: “There’s no such thing as an unsinkable ship. Good luck.”
Unfortunately, we haven’t been blessed with such fortune. We're already all on the Titanic. Some of us boarded willingly. Some of us were dragged along. It doesn’t matter because here we are. We've hit the iceberg. We’re going down.
As far as the validity of these predictions, just open your eyes. Feel the weather. Listen to the experts. And if that’s not enough, my concentration in computer science was artificial intelligence, specifically natural language processing…training models like these. Asking ChatGPT a question like this is basically like asking the internet, everything that’s ever been written down and scanned in, everyone — from the climate scientists to the anti-vaxxers, all the data. And it’s pretty darn objective — there’s weighting to account for misinformation, underrepresented information. etc.
And don’t worry, the irony of my engaging Sam Altman’s company is not lost on me. We’re all complicit in this.
So how do we live?
Not when we retire — I don't take for granted being alive or what the financial system might look like then. Not in a decade. Not in a year, month, week, day, or hour. But now? Right now. Let’s ask ourselves.
What bubbles up for me is peace. Connection. Joy. Purpose. Authenticity. Kindness. I want to keep seeing clearly, waking up, learning to be gentle, and doing what matters…at least trying to stop fueling these flames…and starting cultivating a new garden from its ashes. I want to surround myself with people with similar values and who help me become better. I want to help each other. I want to be in nature. I want to play. I want to spend time with Barkley. I want to meditate. I want to practice yoga. I want to sing. I want to dance. I want to laugh. I want to cry. I want to rest.
I’m done yelling, fighting, arguing, debating, pleading. I can't take all the gaslighting anymore. That’s what it feels like for me just walking down the street, even in liberal northern California where the average person seems to be floating in the lotus position on an apolitical cloud of incense amidst a spiritual orgy. The silence is deafening. I want to scream! I've had enough. My system is revolting. I’m done trying to bridge sides. I lay my arms down, and I rest, as much as I can. I protest. As peacefully as I can. With this article. With my being.
Let’s please admit we’re on a sinking ship already. Then let’s look into each other’s eyes. Let’s pass out blankets. Let’s help some people get to lifeboats, and then let’s go stand on the side of the ship that’ll keep us afloat as long as comfortably possible and huddle together and keep warm. Maybe some of us can work on building a pump to slow the descent. Maybe we can even figure out how to cut loose the sunken part of the ship and survive on what remains.
This high chance of a mass human extinction event could come down drastically. But not by doing what we've been doing. It won’t be magic. There will be casualties. There already are. It takes skillful effort. And it starts with you. With me. Now.
zezvaz.com/cartoons
Whatever we do, let's not go on pretending it’s business as usual. Thinking about what kind of house we want to live in, what color we want the wallpaper to be, who we want to be when we grow up, how we're going to impress our boss and get that next promotion. Selling useless things to each other in this capitalistic circle jerk. Practicing self-care alone in a vacuum. Flying all over the world to check spots spots off a list faster than the burnt jetfuel suffocates them. Wasting our lives in unfulfilling relationships. Prioritizing the “to do” list over loved ones. Then feeling scared and not knowing it and contracting, hiding, and taking our mess out on people who don't deserve it. Being short, being mean. Snapping at people and cutting them off at the flick of a wrist.
Let’s clean up our houses. Find our integrity. Treat others with decency, respect. Communicate our needs, our boundaries, and when we feel hurt. And do so in a kind way. And say ‘no’ to this insulting, grotesque, atrocity that is the political leadership we've created and the ruling class we've fueled. Let’s own our mess, and then let's stop feeding this hungry ghost in the ways we can. And start creating something new, better, sustainable, community-focused. Let's at least have the intention.
We need fierce compassion for this. And we need the soft kind, too.
A fundamental choice we have as humans is, when we hurt, do we hurt others? Do we further hurt ourselves? Or do we transmute it into something beautiful? This is the choice that changes the world. In each person. Do you have the courage?
This is really it. The antidote is so simple — kindness. In each one of us. One by one. Together. May we all remember what we learned in kindergarten.
“It’s easy to be mindful. It’s hard to remember to be mindful.” Mindfulness is actually a colonial Victorian translation of the Pali word, sati. More accurately, sati just means remembering.
Rumi puts it so elegantly…
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.
So, what now?
Let’s take care of ourselves. Regulate. Come together. Join a meditation group, pottery class, choir. Volunteer. And speak up. Share this article. Tell a friend. Contact Congresspeople <- here’s a robot to do it. Don’t underestimate the power of your words. This is why the bros are censoring the media, us.
And exercise the most important vote, the one in your wallet. Stop sending your dollars to Elon Musk's companies, like Tesla — he clearly didn't build EVs to save the world, and there are plenty of other options these days. Stop offering services that enable him, like advertising on what was once Twitter. Earn your income in integrity. Join a company with people and values you admire that does something good for this world. Have conversations with clients and people who support MAGA. This is a money war, and we control half of it. Let's make the difficult choices and be willing to and actually lose some money in service of our dignity. Because if we don't now, we'll have lost everything soon enough. I've stopped supporting a number of clients over the years for reasons like this. Written into my client agreements is the following…
As Coach has already experienced plenty of this for a lifetime, and it’s spreading rapidly, there is a zero tolerance policy for toxic masculinity, including but not limited to: (passive) aggressive behavior, attacks, control, manipulation, exploitation, disrespect, blame, contempt, stonewalling, defensiveness, criticism, belittling, harshness, expression of hot anger, etc. There is zero tolerance for denial of climate change. There is zero tolerance for efforts to undermine equality. Coach will immediately terminate this agreement at any time if Coach determines, in Coach’s sole discretion, there to be a breach in this provision (collectively, Toxic Masculinity).
There's a West African proverb, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Well, we went alone. And our days are numbered on this path.
This isn’t a stop moment. This is a start moment. Let’s come together now and see if we can find a path with more runway. Let’s not pretend we’re immortal or separate any longer. Surviving just a little bit longer or “better” alone, at the expense of others, is just not worth it in any kind of way.
Now if you’ll please excuse me, I’m going to go blast some R.E.M. and jump around for a few hours. I recommend you go do something nice for yourself now, too.
But first, hit Like on this article wherever you got the link so more people will see it. Better yet, repost it. Please. I can't tell you how many people tell me they love my content though don't have the courage to click to engage. If not you, who? What’s the cost of not? To you? To others? We’re living it. It’s time to change. Now. I'm standing in front. I'll take the brunt of the heat.
Why?
The Buddha taught meditation as a path of liberation from suffering only on top of the foundation of community-based ethics. We can’t do this alone. If there’s any fear of publicly supporting this post, that’s the virus talking. Overcome it by leaving a comment sharing the impact it’s had on you. I promise it’ll speak to at least one other person in a way I haven’t. And help you feel better. I know you have a family, needs. But if you’re not willing to lose a few followers or cusomters or get a warning from HR, then what do you really stand for? The more of us we have, the stronger we are. This gives love exponential growth. That’s how we overcome this virus, together, and help light prevail.
